Sunday, January 22, 2012


This time of year is busy at our house.  We have TONS of birthdays!! My mom, Grandmother, James, me, and about 8 close friends all have birthdays in February.  My dad, sister, and about 4 close friends have birthdays in March.  Busy!!
This year, James is turning 26.  I couldn’t be more proud of him! He is such an amazing man.  I am so proud that he is a successful Medical Student, a superhero Father, and an amazing Husband! He has accomplished so much!
Birthdays are a funny thing. If it’s not a momentous 16 or 21, it doesn’t seem to get the same celebration.  As we get older, we tend to almost dread birthdays.  I have had mixed feelings about turning 30 in a few weeks.  But when I’m feeling a little down about “getting older” I remind myself that, I would give ANYTHING to celebrate another birthday with Paw Paw . . or my childhood friend that passed before starting high school.  When I think of them, I am grateful to be celebrating a birthday. 
I am also a little bit guilty that I get to have a 30th birthday.  There is no logic in taking two best friends, inseparable from birth, and picking one to continue a life here on Earth, and the other not to.  One to experience the dramas of high school, the freedom of College, the pride of a good career, the magic of love, and the beauty of having a child.  All while the other experiences cancer treatments, pain on all levels, the anguish of telling everyone she knows goodbye, and facing the uncertainty of death.  There is no logic, only faith that there is a greater being, and He knows why these two paths parted so drastically, ripping apart two friends.  I find myself taking an extra pause in all life events, to be noticeably grateful that I am getting to experience it.  So I take it in, and breathe it in deep, and try to live it for both of us.  Now don’t get me wrong, life is hard.  But I’m expecting Heaven to be an amazing place . . . and I can’t wait to see my loved ones again one day!  
As for now, I’ll just soak up my memories, and be grateful for every single second that I have with loved ones.  I’m lucky to have experienced loyalty and betrayal, pain and hope, heartbreak and love, desperation and power.  I’ve been swindled, and I’ve been outsmarted, but I’ve also outsmarted others, and learned.  I have made some really poor decisions, and I have made some wonderful decisions.  I’ve been mad as hell, and I’ve felt the power of forgiveness.  I have wrinkles (already!!) from crying frantically, and also from laughing - so hard I have literally peed, yes I’ve done that.  I have scars from paint-balling, barbed wire fences, hiking in Palo Duro Canyon, and from having a baby. . . but they make me -ME.  So here’s hoping that I can take what I’ve learned and experienced from the first thirty years and use it to make the next thirty years even better!   


bcmagg said...

I love you too sweetie!!!

sharon said...

Thanks for sharing these sentimental thoughts. I love & admire your strength. Love you, Shelby! Happy Birthday to you & James next month...can't wait to see y'all.